I Was Screaming and You Never Heard Me
I don't really know how to say this without sounding dramatic, so I'm just going to say it the way it lives in my head. I'm not okay. And I haven't been for a long time. What hurts the most is that I've been not okay right in front of people. Sitting on couches. At tables. In cars. In rooms full of voices and movement and life --- while I felt completely alone. It's such a mind-fuck, honestly. Being surrounded and still feeling invisible. I'll be sitting there, laughing at the right parts, answering when someone talks to me, nodding like I'm present, like I belong there. And inside, I'm screaming. Not quietly. Not softly. I mean chest-tight, can't breathe, body aching, screaming. But none of it comes out. It just stays trapped in me. And everyone just keeps talking. No one notices when I go quiet. No one notices when my smile starts feeling forced. No one notices when I disappear a little more every time. I don't think pe...